Roller Coaster

urlJust within the past day, I have gone from a decently content mood to the high peaks of Happy Mountain. When I get to be this happy, I tend to start waiting for the cliff of sadness to take over. Well, as it always does, it did. For no reason. I have no reason to feel sad. But I do anyways. STOP IT BRAIN!

I woke up early this morning and wasn’t able to fall back asleep. I took an extra long hot shower, decided not to do my hair, and make coffee instead. Mmm, yes. I do love coffee in the morning. Especially when I have time to add an extra kick to it! No, I’m not talking about vodka. Though Bailey’s would have been a good start to the day. I added cinnamon instead! It really kick started my morning. But I do still think Bailey’s would have been better.

Work was busy, so I was happy I was able to down a few cups of coffee in the morning before heading in to the office. I was working so much, I forgot to eat, so I had a late lunch. On my walk over to pick up an extra-delicious vegetarian sandwich at a deli nearby, I started to realize I have had a pretty good day so far. Which means… at some point in the future, I would feel sad. It’s a pattern that always seems to happen when I’m extra productive, or when I realize I’m actually feeling happy.

Maybe it’s a premonition of the future – because it always seems to happen. Or, maybe I make this happen by thinking it will happen. Either way, I know it’s coming.

So, I’m now on the lookout for signs of things that could ruin my day. It’s like I’m a detective, interrogating every person who might be hiding something, or an archeologist looking for treasures invisible to the unseen eye. Ok, that archeologist part was going a bit far, but I get pretty paranoid.

Work goes by without a hitch, and I realize I’m late for my training appointment. Great. This is it, I’m going to break down. I’m late, late, LATE!

No, this can’t be it. I’ll only be 5 minutes late, it will be fine. Ok, *breathe*

Got to my appointment 5 minutes late, and there was a time conflict. The client was having family over at that particular time, so I decided to work with Ryder on my own. No, he is not my only client, I promise! He is just my project boy, so I write about him a lot. He has come a long way, and I could tell today.

He still has a ways to go before he doesn’t need me anymore, but I’m so happy at his progress. Sometimes, it feels like he has gone backwards. Not this time!

We went on a walk by ourselves, so the client could chat with the visitors. This would have been relaxing, if it wasn’t so damn cold! The wind was fierce, and the bitter cold stung my nose and hands. But, I was determined to see Ryder’s progress within the last week. Honestly, each week, he’s marginally better. Slow progress, but he is a stubborn dog and also, my most challenging client. He is very strong-willed, and determined to be the leader. But, he is showing massive improvements, and I only had to give him a command once for him to obey.

I just kept remembering when we went to the outside social 2 weeks ago, and how wonderful he did. He was considerably less pushy than at the indoor social, and didn’t once try to get too close to a human. He tried to play with the other dogs, but he’s not quite ready to be off the leash yet in class, so this wasn’t going to work. Anyway, just reminiscing. Back to today’s adventures.

Once we got back, I was giving him some love on his ears, and I noticed he really didn’t like me touching his right ear. He started to mouth me, and try to get away from me. RED FLAG went up, and I checked his ear. Sure enough – ear infection. And a nasty one!

Later that evening, the client mentioned that his ‘lipstick’ was sticking out and hadn’t gone back in about a week! YIKES! Checked it out, definitely needs a vet. The family was asking me questions that I didn’t know the answer to (as I don’t have medical training), and called my awesome at home vet.

I don’t recommend any other vets because he has impressed me so much with how much he cares about the animals. Anyway, he said it was life threatening and pretty serious. He wanted them to take Ryder to the ER. Well, that wasn’t really an option, so we set up an appointment to have the vet come take a look-see tomorrow evening, in which I will be present. Ryder has some issues towards men, and as it has gotten better, it is still a concern.

This put a little bit of a cloud over my head, and another ‘warning’ as to the upcoming wave of sadness. Again, it’s like I have no control over these things, and even though there is nothing we can do right this second, it’s still hard to hear that this was serious and he needed immediate treatment.

Now that the session is over, I was on my way home, and the ‘end of the day droop’ started to settle in. Once I got home, it was like the shadow that was lurking so closely behind me, finally engulfed my entire mind, and I was lost.

Home is a safe place. I can be lost in my own home without feeling like I really am lost. I try to go to sleep. I stare at the ceiling. I play on my phone. I get bored, I find my husband – on his computer. Tell him I can’t sleep. He offers to snuggle. But I don’t want to. I want to blog. It helps. I’m ready to put this day to rest, and start over this roller coaster ride tomorrow.

Lonely_bench

 

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